There is this particular neediness about me that I despise very deeply. And even though I insist on maintaining an air of independence and find it incredibly imposing on my ego to accept any sort of REAL help from another person, I'm almost too aware that I fall short to the level of self-sufficiency that I'd ideally have. It seems that every waking moment requires the conscious effort of smothering that lack of self-sufficiency to keep from surfacing.
But today I realized that without it I would have never been able to experience the warmth and kindness from you that makes everyone look at you the way they do. I would have never been reminded of the kind of person you are and how blessed I am to have you as a friend.
Crouching down with me in front of my wreck of a situation in a McDonald's parking lot in an unfamiliar neighborhood, you cracked a joke with the very ease you used to have so long ago and you grinned at me. It surprised me - like it had surprised me when you showed up out of nowhere to once again rescue me, when I had no one to turn to, just like in the past. All of a sudden, I couldn't remember bawling like a baby just a few moments ago - not having a napkin to wipe away my tears. I laughed hard and I felt happy and very safe with you there. It was like all of my troubles had drained away and replaced by instantaneous relief in that one second.
For some reason, unbeknown to yourself, you've always shown up to save me from my weakest points in time. You've always been there for me at the most pivotal and poignant moments of my life. I know you don't know this but I truly want to thank you from the bottom of my heart even though you will never accept it.
Thank you for being there for me.
You have always been my hero.
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